The Secret To Happiness

“The secret to happiness is….there is no secret.”

We have all seen those articles with that cute photo of a family, a women lounging on a beach or the photo of the perfect couple holding hands that claim they have the 10 secrets to being truly happy. 

I am usually left deflated when I read those - “well duh” is my only comment to - "be grateful”... “exercise”... "spend time with those you love”... pursue a hobby”….

I think a better question to answer and go after is - what brings you joy?

What I have noticed is that JOY is different for everyone - because we all have something unique to get from our time on this planet and we are all one-of-a-kind. 

Before we can aim for joy, it is good to define the difference between joy and happiness - which there are many. 

One that I love is from Danielle Laporte - 

"Happiness is like rising bubbles — delightful and inevitably fleeting. Joy is the oxygen — ever present.”

Another one that resonates with me is from Psychologies - 

"Joy and happiness are wonderful feelings to experience, but are very different. Joy is more consistent and is cultivated internally. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are and how you are, whereas happiness tends to be externally triggered and is based on other people, things, places, thoughts and events."

When I stop and think about the experience of joy, I think of when I am truly myself - no holding back. I feel confident, I feel centered and I am calm. Things click and laughter is abundant. 

When I am authentic, I am more apt to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and am curious vs. judgmental. Things are less personal so they can't trigger me as easily. This is how I relate to joy. 

So...my call to action is to be curious about who YOU are. Reconnect to your intuition. Let go of an external search for something out there because the truth is….you are the only one who has the answer. 

Namaste. 

Michelle

You Should Be Glad

P.S. I am blogging again.

Jeremy and I started a “Grateful 8” or a “Gr8ful” (as Jeremy has coined it). 

The Grateful 8 is a really easy concept to adopt for yourself OR even better may inspire a hybrid idea or action. 

Before bed, we each say 5 things we are grateful for. We take turns and it has to be something new and you can’t copy. (lol, my own rules). 

In the morning before we head out the door, we express 3 things we are grateful for. 

Why the 5 and 3? I made it up. Frankly, sometimes I need a bit more space between my workday and my dreams, so I wanted to load up on good stuff! In the morning, I am eager to start my day so we just do 3. Really scientific I know. 

Why the grateful practice? I was tired of my mind resting on the “could of’s” and “should of’s” an intense workday can create sometimes. I was wanting a shift in my mind to “what is right” vs.“what needs fixing”. 

We are just on week two, but I have noticed an increase in empathy and a shift in my being. I go into situations more optimistic and I am not in agony over life. 

Every guru will tell you that happy people are grateful people but until I actually put it into a routine, I wasn’t drawing that direct conclusion for myself. 

I will say that not being able to repeat things that you are grateful for has opened my eyes up to things I took for granted… (like the road construction workers who spend all day in the elements and traffic working to improve our streets!)

And now for the action item I bestow upon you…to make your own daily gratitude practice. Whether it is prayer, journaling or just sharing with someone you care about, let us all focus on the things that fill us with “g8ness". 

Much love, 

Michelle

http://www.everydaycompanion.com/lyrics/songs/you_should_be_glad.asp

The Edge of 30

The Launching Point

Photo Credit; Tree On A Cliff, by Keeping It Real 

So here I sit on the edge of 30 in a seemingly unraveled space as I play out childhood dreams. I have deemed this reality, but there are parts that still seem so unreal, as if the page will turn to ordinary at any moment. 

My clarity has recently brightened in the realization that I don’t have to trend anymore, my focus has now become trendsetting humanity’s self-expression. It is a deep seeded interest of mine to get to the core of why people are here and what it takes to be fully alive. 

I have recently taken on producing a film this year. This is a big goal that brings to light my why in life. This film has been inspired by the collective questions I have been asking women on the planet for over 24 months as I try to dissect topics like “what is your purpose in life?” and “ if you had a room full of every woman on the planet what would you say to us?” sitting in this query myself. 

What I have noticed in talking on this project is that I am on the verge of finding something out for myself that is very profound in a way I could have never imagined without a series of vignettes that have cartographically contrived my launching point. 

My short film is coming out in the fall of 2014 and my goal is to make a piece that moves myself and others in a way that inspires intentional and meaningful actions and produces extraordinary outcomes in life. To connect people to what they really want and what is really possible in life. My hope is a few others feel something similar. 

Why does any of this matter? It doesn’t. It doesn’t unless you are interested in being part of this inquiry and coming along for the ride. It begins “here" in a world where anything is possible and your yes is the only yes that ever counts. What will you have done by fall that will have altered your reality? I dare you to peel off a few layers and step into the unknown. 

Go big or go home. 

Much love and adoration, 

Michelle

The HOW In Happiness

Tangible ways to practice happiness or better yet BE happy. 

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This is very rawly written and on some level, written for a piece of myself who needed to hear it. It is long but fun. I would love to hear your contributions at the end. 

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I recently read an article from the Huffington Post (click HERE to read) that suggested the 20 happiness habits of exuberant human beings.  

I am sure we have all seen or heard similar lists and while I think it is awesome, the thing that is always missing is the nuts and bolts of the HOW to make the shift. In literal space and time - how do adopt the habits that happy people exude. Part if it is simply wanting to and doing it, but I do think there is an element of “what should I do?” or “that just isn’t me so why should I try?” ways of being. 

I remember in my early 20’s feeling lost in a sea of human experiences - not knowing what was real and how to adapt personality traits I admired in others while distancing myself from ego.

I have been lucky enough to have a few mentors in my life that have taught me a few of the below tactics, and some I have developed on my own. Either way, I felt the urge to share. May you take what inspires, leave what doesn’t and add anything that you wish. 

Here are my “tips and tricks” for the Huffington Post’s happiness habits:

1. Surround yourself with happy people. How do you find truly happy people? This one can be tricky as I have had to learn over time that some people are happy at their core and some pretend to be happy. I have taken on a tactic to actually interview people whether it be taking them to coffee, lunch or on a bike ride and ask them questions that allow me to see who they really are. You can tell so much about a person by being with them, listening how they talk about others, how they interact with you and what they talk most about. Once you have found a few great candidates, get recommendations from them. You will spiral out with deeply inspirational relationships with others in no time. 

2. Smile when they mean it. Okay so we all know that smiling is good for us - but for some reason, sometimes it isn’t in my accessory closet. I have had to practice wearing a smile as part of my outfit every day - and actually go into a separate room every morning to read a devotional and smile at myself in the mirror before I leave the house. This practice has catapulted my ability to smile and make eye contact with everyone I meet. I also try on the thought process “my smile could make their day!” as I know some smiles have made mine. 

3. Cultivate resilience. This one is TOUGH! It has taken lots of years and personal development courses (Landmark Education) for me to learn how to not attach meaning to things so I can jump back in the game of life faster. I have had to literally practice not to associate failures negatively, rather as experiments (as I learned from my friend Katy) or a learning experience. You date people in life so you can identify what you want as well as what you DON’T want in a mate. You have to do the same thing in life! Sometimes you have to try something out and “fail” so you are CLEAR which path to be on. When I have fallen deep in the mud, I make an SOS call to a coach because let’s face it…we can’t always get ourselves out of the mud. 

4. They are mindful of the good. This is a practice I took on with Jeremy one time and it grew so much it was infectious. I started to every night before we shut our eyes to sleep say at least 5 things we are grateful for in life or appreciate about each other. This simple practice started an acknowledgement pattern that echoes throughout my day! I took on acknowledging people more often than not and it expands! Try inventing a way to appreciate what you have in your life and allow it to grow into a way of thinking/being. 

5. They appreciate simple pleasures. This one sounds easy but it is in fact not. I used to have a REALLY hard time being in the moment because I was always thinking of what I didn’t do that day, what I still needed to do, fretting over an interaction with a co-worker, self-conscience about myself or some other disempowering context that was rambling through my brain. I was so far ahead or behind that I could never see what was one inch in front of my face or have no idea what you were really saying to me. Meditation has been really great for me to purge my mind of everything that is swirling around and re-center to be in the now. Bikram Yoga has been killer too - 90 minutes in a hot room having to let go of thoughts and focus is great brain exercising. I also have people repeat what they are saying to me if I wasn’t truly listening. I have actually said to people “I am so sorry, I wasn’t listening at all and I really want to know what you said!” this is honoring of them. Let go of the past and the future and be in the moment. 

6. Devote some of their time to giving. This one you simply have to put on the calendar. It is as simple as stoping for a moment, thinking of one organization, cause, friend or family member you want to have an impact with and taking the time to do it from your heart. You can stop reading for a moment to pledge to do this however often your heart tells you that you should…plus one more time!

7. They let themselves loose track of time. I had to learn this one from Jeremy. He is always present to what he is doing and in the moment. I as a planner get frustrated at times. “We need to go” is a phrase I use sometimes too often. I literally have to say to myself “it is okay to be enjoying what you are doing…what is the worst that could happen if you are late or you don’t get “x” done?” As long as I am in integrity with my word, I allow myself to go with the flow. I like to pick one weekend day that I really have no real responsibilities and allow myself to get lost in whatever project, nap or adventure I decide! Follow your bliss and allow your creativity to take you to places you have never been.

8. They nix the small talk for deep conversation. Well a motto my friend and I have is “go deep or go home!” If you are going to take the time to have a conversation with me, I am going to take the time to get to know the real you and honor you! So many more meaningful things come out of conversations that are rich. Here are some of my favorite things to ask people:
Who do you admire most in your life? 
If you could interview anyone in the world who would it be and why? 
If you had the attention of everyone on the planet, what would you say to us? 
What are you most afraid of? 
What is the legacy you want to leave? 
What brings you joy? 
Why do you do what you do? 

Don’t think these questions are just for people you know intimately. I have asked these questions of complete strangers and have enjoyed the conversation immensely. Quit asking people how their day was or what the weather is like. 

9. They spend money on other people. I have always been guilty of this even from a young age. I have never been focused on collecting money in an account, rather, having enough to fulfill my intentions in life and then give the rest away. This one is easier than you think and doesn’t have to be a ton of money. Again with this one, you can just stop what you are doing and pledge to a cause, send a check to a family member in need or buy the person in line behind you a coffee. Stop and decide right now when you will do this and what you will do. Put it into existence before going on…

10. They make a point to listen. This one is also harder than you think because you have to learn how to give up yourself completely in the conversation. Listening is not only getting what they are saying but what they are not saying. Being so clear who the person is and what they are up to that their words are meaningful and have a purpose for you! What if you listened to people as if there was a lesson for you in every sentence? Like a game you are supposed to figure out? This has helped me to listen to others in a way that is honoring for them and meaningful for me. I ask a lot of questions so I don’t assume things, I stop them when my mind has wondered to repeat and I also ask what they are needing from me so I can be listening from a place that makes a difference. Sometimes people don’t want coaching or advice or for you to fix things. Sometimes they just need to hear themselves out loud to work something out. That is okay too! Practice listening. 

11. They uphold in-person connections. There is something so much more valuable than Facebook or email - being with someone. This one is easy too! Make a goal (mine is one per week) of being with someone you love or admire who you haven’t seen in a while. I pick at least one person every week and get in contact with them. You can even do that now. Also, don’t be afraid to spontaneously invite someone to lunch or coffee or even a walk! Sometimes those are the best occasions! 

12. They look on the bright side. Well, I am wired to look at the glass half full so this one is easy for me. But looking on the bright side is a choice. You can choose to see the world however you want. This one can be tricky if your first tendency is to go to negative thoughts or to blame others - first things first is to practice noticing when you are being negative. Once you notice, you can make a conscience choice to step into the opposing viewpoint and try it on. I have to go to “benefit of the doubt” space or “silver lining” conversations when things don’t go my way or seem ugly. It is truly a better world to live in. Practice. 

13. They value a good mixed tape. Every quarter I come up with a new album that I release to my friends. I spend time on Pandora, iTunes and asking around to find new and inspiring music. I encourage you to be on the lookout for NEW music as music is kind of like a scrapbook/time machine, it takes us back to different periods of our life! I also recommend swapping mixed CD’s with friends. I have done this before, before a lunch date, ask them to burn and bring their favorite music! Instead of TV, do music - your creativity and mind are still free and your heart can feel it even more than a movie. 

14. They unplug. Jeremy and I leave our phones before we walk to dinner. We simply don’t bring them at the end of a long work day. We also invoke the right to not talk about work or any subject really that doesn’t allow us to completely relax. We also make sure to take vacations where people know we are not available. Even sometimes over the weekend, I will change my voice mail so friends and family don’t expect a call back. One of my friends told me one time, you can never be fully on unless you are fully off. Another trick is to plan vacations where you don’t have cell service. This one is our favorite. Chicago Basin in the San Juans is a great place to try this one out. 

15. They get spiritual. Whatever religion you are or are not, find something that connects you to something larger than yourself. For me, I am addicted to “the Universe” whether it is books, dissecting and understanding concepts or the actual TV show itself. It is important for me to be connected to something bigger than I am. It takes significance out of the equation and allows me to live into something bigger. I love asking people about their spirituality, not for debate, but to find concepts that connect us all and inspire. I encourage you to find a spiritual practice whether it has to do with god, science or something else. Be connected every day.

16. They make exercise a priority. This may be a touchy subject for some but I can tell you for a fact that happy people are in tune with their health on a grand level. I can tell you that I turn into a grinch when I don’t exercise. It was hard at first to take on fitness as a lifestyle, it was intimidating. I found mentors (Jeremy) who walked me through the weight room, I found coaches to train me and I tried ALL different kinds of exercise before I found things that I truly enjoy doing and look forward to every day. You have to put this on your calendar (I know you have heard this before) but more importantly tell people what you are going to do and when or even better find a buddy. Working out with Jeremy started my fitness career. Going to a gym where others are working out works great for me because watching others work out motivates me. Don’t go about this one alone AND MAKE SURE YOU DO SOMETHING EVER DAY! *even if it is taking a day to stretch. Jeremy has always told me to make my workout the hardest part of my day. Put your workout clothes out before you go to bed or even better…sleep in them.

17. They go outside. This one is easy for me because I am naturally drawn to the outdoors but it does get tricky when I get busy. Walking to dinner, going on a hike, riding your bike, swimming - these are all things that can be done outside recreationally. Jeremy loves yard work and doesn’t even look at it as work - it is time in nature. Make sure you spend at least 1 hour outside every week. Make that part of your planning. Watch the sunrise or sunset, count stars or lay in a hammock. The options are endless. Mother Nature loves you more than you know. Take the next unconventional opportunity to go outside.

18. They spend time on the pillow.I had no idea if I was getting enough sleep or not when I decided to take on being someone who enjoyed REM sleep. I downloaded a sleep app and tracked my hours of sleep per week. It was amazing how much sleep I thought I was getting and how much I really got. I then made mini “bedtime” goals for myself each week, letting myself get only 6 hours some nights but ensuring most nights I get from 7.5 - 8.5. Find your rhythm and stick with it. Enroll your bed buddy in your bed time. There are also articles you can read on how to get the best nights sleep. Everything from black out binds to no electronics in the room. Try different recipes until you find one that works for you to be your best and brightest self. 

19. They LOL. I LOVE to find funny things to laugh at or share with friends. I am constantly texting Jeremy funny jokes or photos that we can both laugh at and be silly. I also have a few friends I can count on to get me laughing so hard I can’t breathe! Watching clean standup comedy is great, telling knee slapping jokes or playing a game are sure fire ways to get me on a roll. This one is one you may have to seek out or create something around. Stop to think about what makes you laugh. I also have a few great memories that I can count on to make me giggle. I also love reading Calvin and Hobbes. It is a GREAT laughter escape for me. Here is one of my favorites:

20. They walk the walk. This one to me is all about having great posture while walking, running or even sitting. Focusing on how you hold yourself is important. Stand tall and walk confident and you will naturally feel happier. This one is also one you will have to practice. Maybe now that you are done reading you can go for a walk outside while laughing :)

Yummy Secret to Happiness #2

Mindful Eating

I hate diets. I even dislike nutrition plans. What I do love is mindful eating. 

What I try to do is notice how certain foods make me feel. Am I tired in the afternoon? What foods have I indulged in or not eaten enough of? Do I have a ton of energy? What foods did I eat that contributed to my energy spike? I keep a mental checklist of how many carbs, fruits, veggies and proteins I have eaten every day to make sure my body is getting what it needs for me to be at peak performance. If my body is happy, I am happy.

Every once in a while I will go on a cleanse and am strict for about a week then add back in more complex healthy foods. Great to clean out your body and hit the reset button. 

Here is a little sneak peek into my mindful eating. 

My Super Foods:

Avocados

Coconut Milk

Chia Seeds

Hemp Seeds

Purified H20

Walnuts

Blueberries

Apples

Dark Chocolate

Salmon

Kale

Quinoa

Olive Oil

Bananas

Herbal Tea

Carrot Juice

Foods I try to limit:

Gluten

Dairy

Carbs

Sugar

Foods I don't eat:

Meat

Processed foods

Favorite Shake Recipes:

Chocolate shake mix (Shakeology) 

1/2 Avocado

Coconut Milk

Strawberry shake mix (Shakeology)

Coconut Milk

Hemp Seeds

Chia Seeds

Pomegranate Juice (POM)

1/2 Banana

Orange Juice (Odwalla)

Carrot Juice (Odwalla)

Fresh Berries

Bite Sized Happiness

20 Ways I Create Happiness In My Life

I once had an acquaintance ask me my secret to happiness. She commented that I always seemed so positive and happy. How did I do this? This question perplexed me. I hadn’t realized how happy I was coming across. This was probably one of the best compliments I have ever received and to this day pledge to always look for new ways to create infectious happiness on the planet. After watching the movie “Happy” one weekend, I felt compelled to share what works for me. I doubt anything you read below will be new and we might have the majority of this list in common but I share this because I want a conscience conversation about happiness to be present in the world.

I have decided to give you bite sized insights into happiness over the next 20 days. I tried to do it all in one document but it became too long and I couldn't dive deeply into each topic! So 20 days it is. 

Please feel free to comment with things that contribute to your happiness. The only rule is it can’t be an object or specific person, it has to be a way of being or a pattern of doing that makes a difference. Instead of “My Grandma makes me happy”, it is “being in communication with people I love on a daily basis.” This detaches you from items or things and creates a way of being that is sustainable and transferable. You don’t become reliable on one thing or person, but rather, an entire Universe full of happiness. 

These will be posted in no particular order:

#1 Dancing

I dance around the house and dance to music in the bathroom in the morning. Moving my body helps me to stretch and gets my blood moving. It also reminds me not to take myself too seriously. I have to admit, if you saw my "house" dancing...you would bust out laughing, it is pretty ridiculous, but it works! I have even figured out how to dance while I make the bed. If I don't want to work out...I just turn on music and dance my bootie off. 

Why it makes me happy:

I feel alive, free and my true self. I feel young, vibrant and authentic. My endorphins increase and I ALWAYS have a smile. 

My favorite song right now to dance to is:

Vampire Weekend - Unbelievers

What makes you bust a move?